What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
