You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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