in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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