so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
be right there i have to get my cape
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
