Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
