I think I am morally bankrupt
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
