I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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