Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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