so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
