He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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