i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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