I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
