i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
