FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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