wrigley field is MILF paradise
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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