Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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