tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
