Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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