there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
