Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
