last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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