I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
