her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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