Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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