you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
