and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
