What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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