I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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