grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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