o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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