Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
