Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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