he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
