please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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