i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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