is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
