There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
