smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO