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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.

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• (213): View more from California

  Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon

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• (818): View more from California

  in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man

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• (315): View more from New York

  If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life

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