I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter