i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
nutella sex= disaster
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will