someone threw a dead crab at me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
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His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.