I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
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St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
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what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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