I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.