You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
