sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
