I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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