All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
