he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
