I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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