I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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