i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
