you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
