ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
