A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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