I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
