i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Couch. On fire.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
