My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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