Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
