Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
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i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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