your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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