The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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