My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
