I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
