Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When are your genitals available?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
