dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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