Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
