What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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