yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
